Bullshit Floodgates Opened

My week has been the literal worst. Let me break it down. First, Nate went nuts on Saturday. He had an anxiety attack and we ended up busting the window out of his vehicle to remove him, because it sure looked like he was going to drive home without a license. He played it off today like he was going to park it elsewhere. I think it's a bullshit excuse. He's playing off his negatives and upselling his positives, as per usual. But what other options do I have if I want this thing to happen? He got all defensive and picked a fight with his wife, and she nearly left his ass. He was alright when I went there today. But I want him to make proactive steps to ensure this shit doesn't happen again. Everyone has bad days. But he needs to get some semblance of a grip.

Also, I found the bedbugs that have been eating me for the last several months. There were easily fifty in the box-spring. If it sounds gross, imagine trying to sleep on that. I duct taped them and burned the tape. And I felt righteous. Like Aerys Targaryen, I burned them all. And we've been fighting them pretty consistently. It sucks. It's stupid. They're the worst creature ever invented. I want to mail them back to whoever spread them to me.

Lastly, this move has been postponed until September. Hopefully later in the month. But this gives me time to actually prepare, and get some shit done. We still have the place. We're still planning on it. Only, later. Which could even be a good thing.I plan to get my CNA worked out, save up money, and get a job before then. And Becca's friend is moving there from South Dakota around the same time. She's been subtly trying to set us up, but I can see it. Why not give it a shot?

Also, because of this shitfest, I'm going camping in Wyoming this weekend. A good friend of mine is being recognized for outstanding achievements in artistic endeavors, and I want to attend. I would never have made my suit of armor without his assistance and tool setup. And I like the people that will be there. My car is good to go, and I can leave my room for the weekend. I fully intend to drink, fight, and fuck the stress away. It'll be a dream.

All the Metaphors

I am unbelievably anxious. I'm not one to get anxiety, but this is definitely one of those times. I turned in my letter of resignation today, and have yet to find a replacement job. I have options, and a plan, but I figure that if I don't find a job right away, I still have a fallback. And it's not a BAD fallback, per se. Just not the ideal one. And I know that this is probably because I've gotten too comfortable being where I am. I watch my client all day, then go home and do what I do until bed, never having to deal with rent, or buying or making food, or anything. This is ultimately ensuring that the quench doesn't crack me, I suppose, if I'm going to use this stupid blade metaphor.

This is for the best. I put on my best Tywin Lannister face, and try to convince myself that this is the only real option. As nice as it is being cooked for and not paying rent, it also sucks not being able to date. And I know it won't be like Aurora, where I suffered from a lack of everything. I have new clothes, I'm up-to-date on my medical things, and I'll be doing this with friends and plenty of people around. It won't be half as bad as I'm scaring myself into thinking it could be. Also, I'll be within a short driving distance of my producer buddy, so I could potentially really make a name for myself.

Ultimately, this is the correct decision. This is the smart decision. I only hope that fate is kind for the next year. Though all signs point to no. At this point, I feel like the appropriate thing to do is grab fate by the nuts, give a squeeze, and tell it that the real decision here isn't whether this happens, but whether fate gets to keep its boys.

See, the main problem has been that when I send my scripts off for readings, I get glowing praise, with one or two things they're not super fond of. Then they slap me with a 5 out of 10. It's like each reader went to the Vander Zee school of grading fuckery, as I've not been graded so hard since college botany. Not that I have a problem with tough grading. Keeps the riffraff out. But this plan is effectively us trying to get into a wonderful moated castle. Some people are paladins. They come at things head-on and sink or swim by their own merit. I, however, am a rogue, and I'll play to my strengths, coming at this sideways. We're effectively constructing a ladder to cross the moat and summarily scale the castle, with the assumption being that an appreciation for our cunning and ladder-making ability will net us a spot at someone's table once inside.

As much as I would like to make metaphors from here until eternity, I'm getting back to work. I've got a lot of dialogue to polish.

Fire and Blood

I'm watching the finale of Game of Thrones season 6 again (and the mostly-bad dialogue). But it seems like I'm headed to my personal Meereen, last stop before the great game. The proving ground, where I can show that I have the mettle to thrive in this environment. And it's all coming together. The second killer script in my portfolio is likely going to be completed this weekend. I really like the direction I went with Attila and Aetius. They're suddenly a lot stronger than they previously were. I didn't touch the stuff that was praised or otherwise good. The second head of the dragon is a god damn monster.

Also, I submitted my plan to Nid, the producer. He loved it and suggested that I do more than just write. So I'm aiming at a associate producer credit. Something where I'm not in charge of the bill, but I get some aspect of creative control. Not because I'm being stubborn. I mean, I managed to make his suggestions into major plot points for this beast, but I have ideas on how we can cheaply execute our special effects and make the story more believable. We're going to start in the winter/spring, and finish it in the summer. I have every confidence in our ability to create a hell of a movie on the cheap. My biggest concern is marketing, but I believe that, with a solid trailer, a good price (free), and the dozens of favors Nid is owed, we could get noticed. It's not a competition. It's a team effort.

Lastly, I'm moving back to Colorado soon. Myself, and my besties, Nate and Pam, are moving in, and we've found a good location. I think Aurora was a crucible, melting me down into something pure and hammering out something worth having. And living at home again was the quench. My folks mellowed me back out, so I'm cool to the touch. And now I'm going into finishing and testing, which is a process. Either way, it's seeming more and more like I'm ready for this. I only have to prove it before they'll let me play in Hollywood. 

Also, I have to find the third head of the dragon. I have some ideas, but nothing concrete yet. I don't want to remove the potency of this one. But who knows? The next one might be bigger and badder. I'm debating on either something archaic or something savage and barbaric. I do love me some barbarism. And I feel like it all comes naturally. In any case, it's still but a gleam in my eye. I'll keep you updated, Homeland Security people. ;D

Up in the air.

Everything is a mess.

I'm working on more edits for The Hun, using the feedback from the Blacklist. Most of it is genuinely good feedback, but I still hate their system. In any case, I've come up with the changes that need to be made before I send the script onward for my next reading (through another company). I think these might be the edits that take it to the next level. And though I don't think it'll be the one to save me, it could very well be extra money in my pocket once success does strike. Having a decent portfolio is underrated.

I'm currently working on another project with Nid. He's the director and producer, and I think it'll be a good script if I'm allowed to take my time on it. So far, it has a very strong sense of self, and I think we're on the same page, which is a good first step. At this point, I'm just brainstorming ideas for it, because Nid's been busy as hell on this thing. He's got a Hollywood sound guy, a source of good actors, and even the aid of the local reserve branch, so we have access to good props. I'm fucking stoked. This has the potential to be a career-maker, and both of us want it to be that. We want this thing to open the door for us, and I'm confident that the potential is there. I really cannot express how excited I am for this.

I'm certain I won't be moving West with the others. They're out there this weekend, checking houses or something in an area I don't want to live in. I'm still torn as to whether or not I tell them of my suspicions, or wait it out and see if this was another instance of solid intuition. I still believe that Katie and Chelsie will bug out and stick them all with the bill. But you know, perhaps this movie with Nid is going to work out, and I'll be moving to California soon anyway. Who knows?

Still looking for jobs in Cheyenne or Fort Collins. Either would be good enough. I'm just kind of done with Iowa. I mean, this will likely be a good summer, and I'm genuinely excited for it, but I'm really trying to get this new career off the ground and going. I'll keep you posted.

Definition of insanity.

The definition of insanity, as I've been told, is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. I was recently chastised by the divine for such a thing. I wanted to know where the weaknesses in The Hun were, so I bought two reviews from the Black List. And, like a moron, expected to somehow get a good score. The review was helpful, and well-worth the money, but at this point, I wish they'd just remove the scores altogether. They're not helpful.

My first one got a 7, which is solid. My second one got a 5, for being too expensive. Typical. And the thing was, they both agreed on the big issues, with little ones thrown in that could potentially be corrected. The big issue was that Attila wasn't fleshed out enough, and his voice was lacking. I agree wholeheartedly. I had overlooked it, and given stronger voice to everyone BUT the title character. Foolish, and easily rectified. I also changed another character's dialogue, and this was soundly rejected. My bad, guys. It was a last-minute change, and I can change it back in an evening. No harm, no foul. Other than that, nothing but praise.

The issue is that, somewhere in the wait, I had assumed that the Black List was going to be my salvation. Some agent would see it and think "now there's a guy who can write," and pass it off to Chris Pratt or Jennifer Lawrence, and I would be redeemed. But I forgot that this website exists solely to peddle upcoming indie flicks. I'm like a jeweler operating in a fish market, I swear to God. And it came down on me, hard. Last night, I was all fire, ready to make a badass script. Then I read that and nearly quit writing altogether. After all, it got the same score as Shogun. I'd spent a whole year writing between then and now, and I get the same damn score? FOR REAL?

Luckily, I opted not to. I figured that I'm much closer to success than to the beginning. I mean, it's downhill from here. A long downhill, but downhill nonetheless. And who knows? I still have options. More than most people, probably. And since I know damn-well I can make solid characters (except for Attila, I guess), I should try a more accepting market. My buddy, Nid, is an indie director. I figure that, while I work on another script that will be panned by Hollywood's gatekeepers, we could at LEAST get something good on Youtube, If it's well-received, it could be a career-maker. And Nid is a good guy, with a lot of talent. If anyone can make it work, he can.

I figure I'm open to any genre, themes, and rough character. If he can give me the gist of what he wants, I'll do my damnedest to get it fleshed out right. I think this might be the right route. For he and I both. I'll keep this thing updated, don't fret. He and I will talk about this tonight. To be honest, I'm pretty stoked.

PERSONAL STUFF:
I think I'm just out of the rooming thing. I haven't told them yet, but they'll come up with everything on their own anyway. And when it comes down to it, I think Katie wants to live in Colorado, with her bestie. Not with the rest of us. If (when) things go tits-up, I think the pair will abandon the rest of us to go live on their own. And I refuse to join into something that I see is doomed to failure. And in the handful of times that she and I have been around each other, and the stories they tell me about her, I have seen that she's a drama queen. I feel like that's going to make housing complex, and I'd prefer it as simple as humanly possible. No politics, drama, or fighting. Home is a safe place.

So yeah. Personal life. I have no idea what's going on. I intend to move out there on my own, if this isn't changed. And, to be honest, even if it IS changed, I may move out there on my own anyway. I don't trust her. I think she's psychologically damaged, and I foresee a long damn year ahead of us. Now the question is: Do I tell them my thoughts and risk it becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, or do I keep it to myself and risk people I like going through hell?

Update

There's not much to update, really. I finally took a trip to meet my niece, and she's adorable. One month old. She likes crying and pooping. I'm a fan of both as well, so we have a lot in common. Jokes. Also, I'm working on plotting out a couple more scripts that I can bust out back-to-back. It'll take time, but that's about it. I feel like they're actually getting good.

I FINALLY had a download on The Hun, so I'm waiting. I'm being a pessimist though, as I had high hopes last time, and the time before that, and each one was a kick in the dick. So I'm anticipating a 6. It seems pretty low, considering I want an 8. But having low hopes isn't bad. It leaves plenty of room for pleasant surprises. At this point it's a waiting game. I'm just keeping busy with other projects.

My move just got complicated. Creeper Chick decided that we're moving to CO Springs, instead of Fort Collins, because she has an interview there. The others are all on-board, because they've never been there. I'm still moving to Fort Collins, but this means I might be doing it solo. I'm cool with it, other than my original plan being hijacked. The more time I spend with this chick, the less I like her. I'm pretty sure she has a personality disorder that no one else sees. But they were all "we're voting on this," and "sacrifices must be made." I'm under no obligation to stick with this group, nor sacrifice my premise for said move because people who haven't lived there voted against me. Fuck that. I can wait as long as I need to. Who knows? Maybe The Hun will fly off the shelf and I'll end up in L.A. instead. Long shot, but possible.

Also looking to make a script for a friend. Sort of a wilderness western, to take advantage of his location, and the fact that it should be easy to dress a few people up as cowboys. If it gets pretty big on Youtube, it may launch my career anyway. Always be looking for other angles of attack, you know? And if it helps another amateur filmmaker, that wouldn't be a bad thing.

NYAH!

So, I realized that I focus far too much on my writing, which is the point of this, of course. But it's come to the point where I'm neglecting my life. It's a fine line, as I'm pretty damn devoted to my purpose, but how could I write what I know, if all I know is writing? It becomes a catch-22. So, you've been forewarned. I'm going to start doing little life-blurbs in these.

So I'm working on developing out my ancient script, and instead of starting on the characters and giving them stuff to do, I'm trying to focus on my main storyline and what's necessary for it to run, with particular focus on my first-string characters. I have a couple relevant subplots and my themes already established. My characters are basically different ways to focus on the thematic statement. So that should be fun to explore. And my villains are both antithetical to my main character. And I based my main character on my homie, Cloud, so the voice is already pretty much in my head. I could write her dialogue in my sleep.

Right now though, I'm in that awkward gathering stage, where I'm picking what things I want in it. And I have some strong shit in here, but I'm trying to get the broad strokes planned, and then see if I can make them stronger, cooler, more original. I learned a lot from y year in Aurora. My big thing was watching Game of Thrones, and I learned "sexposition" on my own. More broadly, it boils down to delivering exposition while something more interesting is going on. So if you've heard the story, or if story bores you, here's something else (like boobs). So I'm implementing it. It's brilliant, really. I just hate the gathering stage, because it feels lazy. Days of not actively writing, just brainstorming. I'm too gung-ho to sit around and think for too long. Which is in-and-of-itself a problem, as I end up pushing relatively-undeveloped scripts. *shrug*
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Personal stuff. Went on a roadtrip with the roomies, and it was good. I pretty much got whatever bug was in my system regarding future-roomie out, which is a good positive step. Bad decisions don't become good ones because you want them to be. Better to purge bad ideas from your system than run with them and suffer the consequences down the road. And I've spoken with a friend about my crush on a mutual friend, and she said she'd give that a gentle push. I can take it from there. I've come to a couple conclusions regarding my life.

1) I observe too much, often eschewing action in favor of continued observation.

2) I need to stop being the "honorable" guy and take opportunities that come my way. The next time a buddy's crush likes me, I'm going for it. Sorry in advance.

3) I think I caught whatever virus Pam had during the trip, because I'm probably going to yak. Until better times, internet-peeps.