SUB-PLOTS!

Backstory first, but I'll try to keep it brief.

I dated this girl about 6 years ago. It didn't pan out (and that's cool), and she's married now (also cool). However, after we broke up, I tried to get some perspective from her friend. We spoke for a year online, got along famously, and ended up briefly dating before she cheated on me a couple times. Distance is a bitch. We ended it (poorly). We kept in touch, and she would have these waves of depression. Suicidal tendencies and all. I opted out of the whole equation (in a douche move). When I went to check up on her, all I found was a suicide note. It was rough, and I blamed myself, and I ended up beating that demon to death in a merciless fashion. I did so in a script. It was cathartic as hell. Recently, I learned that she was alive. Apparently I blocked her on everything while fucked up on god-knows-what.

SO, here we are. We've been talking, and there were mutual apologies. I was a monster back in the day. She was sorry for her part, though in my opinion, she was blameless. I went through a big drug period between the break up and the screenwriting. It was a dark period of my life, and I'm not thrilled about it. But the bitter tonic of failure is incentive enough to avoid it for the future. And today we really got to talking. Just like we used to do. She was kind of my best friend for a while. My confidant. She just GOT me, you know? And when we met in person. It was a disaster, and I was awful.

This leads to the problem bit. I think the feelings are perhaps coming back. I mean, I would break my no-dating-exes rule for this one (and only this one), assuming we could be in the same location. But Iowa and New Jersey are no closer than they were before. And this time she has a boyfriend. I'm concerned because these feeling  ultimately pushed me into my drug phase. And now the same person is back. She's different, I assume. Four years will change someone. But it seems significant that we wouldn't quit thinking of each other. And she went out of her way to find me. I simply didn't remember that I had blocked her.

And, I keep trying to think of a non-insane way to say this, but I asked (the apparent powers that be) how much longer this...me being single thing...was going to continue. It's been quite a while... And like, two days later, this started. Could be a coincidence. It absolutely could. But we just clicked like there was no big gap where we didn't talk. I tossed out all kinds of new jokes and references, and she got me, just like old times.

I'm a bit paranoid that the same thing will happen again, with the same person. But everything was exactly like it was. It's bad to have presuppositions. I know this. But it's a weird coincidence to have the one who died come back and find you just after you confess that you're tired of being single...

Life is the strangest thing that has ever happened to me...