Rolling with the punches.

I just finished the rough draft of my indie film about a soldier. It's got potential, provided I can hit that potential. I like the characters. They're solid, individual, and fun to write. I like the twists and turns in the story, despite it being relatively simple. It's not an action-packed story, but I'm not working on an action-packed budget, so there. I've been thinking of how we're going to do the scenes we can on the budget we don't really have, and I've got ideas. And I haven't even spoken with the director/main producer about this. Either way, it sounds like we're making a god damn movie. He's all in, I'm all in enough to spend hours a day on this thing. It's happening. Now I'm just pouring time into editing, to ensure I can be finished by the end of September. I at LEAST want to be done with the flashbacks, so we have something to film in the summer. I can probably take my time a bit with the rest, as we're going to have a bit of real-world time lapse there.

And I've still got my Attila the Hun project on the back burner. I genuinely think the problem is twofold. First, I put so much effort into appeasing the readers that it kind of lost its sense of self. It lost a vital chunk of what it was because I was so eager to do what I could to ensure that someone saw it. Second, after the catastrophe that is Ben Hur, they won't make this movie with a gun to their heads. So I'll do one more pass, just to make it what I want it to be, then it goes quietly into my portfolio. And I go to more modern movies. Movies that cost less to make and tend to gross higher. *INFINITE SIGH* It really sucks to have to blame this on someone I've never even seen, but the fact is, Hollywood will avoid this movie like it's got face-chlamydia, simply because a similar movie did abysmally. But, that's the way their system works, and I've got to get used to it, because I cannot expect them to change everything to accommodate me. That's lead-paint-chips level dumb.

Also, I have yet to speak with Nate and Pam since they booted me from our joint-venture. I think the big reason is that Nate wanted a stoner roommate, and I refuse. I simply have too much to do to sit there and do nothing for a day, much less months or years. And the last time we hung out, we smoked a bit (so I could work out the issues in The Hun) and I thought I caught some bitchy subtext from him, basically telling me that I'm a college dropout who lives with his mother, so I should become a stoner. He's not wrong on the first two points. But just because I'm down, doesn't mean I'm out. I've spent the last three years learning a skill that pays well, obsessing over writing scripts. I've written ten of the suckers. It's not like I've been sitting around playing video games and getting fat. My figuring is that video games are fun, but ultimately useless. Somewhere out there is the best damn Goldeneye player that ever lived. And they have a skill that's been useless for twenty years. Why would I want that? Why be good at something that has no real world value? That person probably poured thousands of hours into that, and got exactly zero in return for it. With that in mind, why bother?

Also, on a related note, I'll probably be moving to Cheyenne, like I genuinely want to. And since I have a more flexible time table for this, I figure I can do it at my own pace. I'll work on getting my CNA worked out first, I'll save some cash, then I'll keep an eye open for pet friendly places within my price range. I know a guy in Cheyenne who works at a career placement center, so it'd be pretty easy. And my friends from Cheyenne told me that they'd be glad to have me. To be honest, I like Cheyenne infinitely more than Colorado. Colorado is becoming a hole, and Cheyenne is close enough to Fort Collins that I can still see my friends in the south, but not a crazy drive from Casper either, so I can see my friends in the north too. So, that's a plan. And it'll probably happen exactly like that too, because I don't change my fucking plan every week. It's hard to hit a moving target. Bah!

If nothing else, I figure this is proof that my last couple years have been good to me. Aurora was a shitheap. My whole life was crappy. Little money, little food, shitty apartment. It WAS a crucible, and it DID break me down to my core bits. I melted entirely, dumped the slag, and got pounded into whatever shape the powers that be wanted. And this time at home has been a quench. It was a nice period of mellow recuperation. This right here though is the tempering, I think. I'm working more hours than ever before, I'm dealt with people who consistently try (consciously or otherwise) to break me, and I'm holding my edge admirably. I had a bad night when that guy told me he hated my script, but nothing before or after that, and one bad day in a year is pretty good. There have been some bumps, some bruises, but nothing I can't handle.

Just Another Update

Plugging away on this pilot story. I figure I'll have a ton of hours next week to continue on this thing. But I'm doing awesome, juggling all these projects. I do one scene revision on The Hun when I wake up, because it's not on the front burner anymore, and I'm planning my World War 2 story. The time I've spent working it out has been good to me, and this is seeming really fucking entertaining just out the gate. And people love World War 2. This is a story that hasn't been done yet too, which means it should be pretty damn fun. And it'll probably be panned too, but fuck it. I do this for me. I've seen some sick movies in my head that other people likely won't get to see, and that's pretty cool.

And I've been keeping up with my exercise. I've been ramping it up, and I'll probably add onto my left arm weight duration and jump up to the 10 pound weight with my right hand. Sure, I won't be huge, but I don't need to be. Being a bodybuilder doesn't benefit you in fighting. It's just more mass to work around. There's a reason MMA fighters are toned little guys. They have enough muscle to get the job done and retain their dexterity. Ever watch the original Conan the Barbarian? He can barely wield that damn sword, his upper body is so big. And it doesn't take that much strength to ruin someone with a sword. You need the speed to deliver it where it needs to go, the accuracy to hit the target, and a modicum of strength. My left side is bulking plenty though. I should be able to wield that big-ass shield all day. I'm stoked. I love that shield. I want to be buried with that shield.

I think I owe quite a bit of this explosion in activity to me quitting smoking. It had its uses, but ultimately it slowed me down. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it, but I enjoy being productive more. I figure it's like Rip Van Winkle's moonshine. It puts your brain to sleep, and it dreams, and dreaming is amazing, but at some point, you have to wake up and get going.

So, that's my update slash thought for the day. Also, who keeps reading this? It can't possibly be that interesting. It must be the government. In which case, my name isn't Mike, but Rusty Shackleford.

Transition.

I went through the transition this weekend, and it was smooth as a baby's buns. Or butter. Or buttered baby buns. In any case, it's a positive step. I'm effectively being paid to sleep, which is pretty damn good. And I also write dialogue well at night, It's a thing. I don't get it. It's the way I am.

So, I worked my first shift last night, and I didn't anticipate sleeping, but the recliner there is epic, and I slept most of the night. One of the guys woke me up at 6 because he'd had a blowout, and I got to mop diarrhea off the floor, but at least it was linoleum. And that's literally the worst thought I had about it, so I think this may be a good fit. And then I made breakfast in the morning. It was fun, to be honest. A good temporary fit, but still temporary.

Also, I've begun my workout in good order. I've already seen results, so it seems like a good idea. My plan is to encourage my left upper body to become slow-twitch muscle, as my shield is a beast and needs to be hefted for long periods at a time. Then I'll encourage my right side to become fast-twitch muscle, as a sword or ax should be fast more than anything else, and if I still have some semblance of accuracy, I can probably do some damage. Also, I've got this sweet high-altitude training mask, so I'll get to work on the stair-elliptical thing with it. Hopefully by the end of the month, I'm a tank. I did well at Dragon's, but I got tired, and the fighting wasn't a long time. I plan to bust ass at Battlemoor. I've already seen results. My left shoulder is getting big, and my forearms are getting toned, which is a good sign. Now I just need to stop drinking until the end of the month, and keep up the cardio.

Exercising sucks buttholes. Except that I saw one of my folks' friends who was divorced a while back, and she looked FINE. Except that she's like, thirty years older than me. But still, she looked good enough for porn. Like, good porn.

Also, I'm working on my scripts. I realized that I did the same thing about this shitty review as I always do. I get mad, I get drunk, and I read it again a couple days later, then pick up exactly what they wanted me to get. My character arcs ARE confusing. So I'm planning some minor overhaul stuff. I guess I'm NOT done with The Hun. It'll be alright though. I know exactly which scenes need to be altered, but I'm prioritizing my other script. Which is going well. I made sure to work out the character arcs, just to be safe. And the dialogue is solid. I mean, this is rough draft shit, and each character already has their own voice. But who knows if the final product will be any good. One can hope! And I'm working out another spec script concept, getting it primped and ready to write. And I have another that I'm mucking around with right now. It's nowhere near being written, but it's interesting... Not that interesting is good at all. It'll either be super popular or totally panned.

I'm also working out another indie script option. It should end up a low-budget character-oriented webseries. And I think it has all kinds of potential, but I have yet to really dig into the meat of it. So, who knows? It'll likely end up on the heap of abandoned script ideas, but at least I HAVE a heap of abandoned ideas. I assume there are people who just roll headlong with each idea they get. W/E

The results are in...

They fucking hated it. Sixes across the board. It was like the Screencraft reader didn't hardly read the thing. Like they went into it with a bad attitude, because they just picked apart the odd misspelled word and went on about how they hated that it wasn't "period" dialogue, because rather than have everyone some stodgy Elizabethan character, I had them talk like real people. Like people of different social classes and from different countries. And my characters got a six, despite there being not one single complaint against any one of them.

So I'm fucking drinking tonight. I essentially paid a hundred bucks to have some asshole trash my script. I made changes last time, but not this time. I fixed the spelling errors, but multiple other readers gave me kudos for my dialogue, calling it "not derivative." I just liked that they talked and acted like people who do more than sit around in a ruined frieze, drinking and wearing togas. And that's my biggest issue with readers. They go WAY out of their way to give a no. There is no consistency. What one reader hates, another loves, and vice versa. There is no definitive way in, you just have to find someone who really loves your work, but you don't get to pick or have any say in matters. I mean, I KNOW this is a good script. Just a bad reader. I'm absolutely floored that they spent the better part of the page of notes telling me my spelling errors. Fucking useless.

This is the kind of reader who would have shot down Jurassic World, which grossed $1.52 billion. These people regularly tell me my style is like 300 or Troy (which both grossed half a billon) and then shoot my shit down. And then Hollywood is all "why do all our movies suck," and then they put out 100,000 superhero movies that are all effectively the same bullshit, with a different costume. It's because they have the LEAST efficient means of coming up with good script concepts. BAH! I'm just railing against the system.

Maybe I should take Connie up on her offer. Have the script sent to her cousin who works in Hollywood. I think I will. And I'll bust my ass on this script with Nid. If we can prove that we can make a good script without a budget, it should be proving our worth.
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And this shit always happens on my worst days. I had such a crappy day at work, and those always correspond with getting shit reviews. The last time I had one, it was the same shit. Bad day all around, topped off with sprinkles made of a project I poured my heart and soul into. And that ax head is four days late. No sign of it. And I worked with one of my least favorite clients, who goes to extremes to be as irritating as possible, because annoyed people give him attention, and he's totally starved for it. So, whatever. Fuck today.

Bullshit Floodgates Opened

My week has been the literal worst. Let me break it down. First, Nate went nuts on Saturday. He had an anxiety attack and we ended up busting the window out of his vehicle to remove him, because it sure looked like he was going to drive home without a license. He played it off today like he was going to park it elsewhere. I think it's a bullshit excuse. He's playing off his negatives and upselling his positives, as per usual. But what other options do I have if I want this thing to happen? He got all defensive and picked a fight with his wife, and she nearly left his ass. He was alright when I went there today. But I want him to make proactive steps to ensure this shit doesn't happen again. Everyone has bad days. But he needs to get some semblance of a grip.

Also, I found the bedbugs that have been eating me for the last several months. There were easily fifty in the box-spring. If it sounds gross, imagine trying to sleep on that. I duct taped them and burned the tape. And I felt righteous. Like Aerys Targaryen, I burned them all. And we've been fighting them pretty consistently. It sucks. It's stupid. They're the worst creature ever invented. I want to mail them back to whoever spread them to me.

Lastly, this move has been postponed until September. Hopefully later in the month. But this gives me time to actually prepare, and get some shit done. We still have the place. We're still planning on it. Only, later. Which could even be a good thing.I plan to get my CNA worked out, save up money, and get a job before then. And Becca's friend is moving there from South Dakota around the same time. She's been subtly trying to set us up, but I can see it. Why not give it a shot?

Also, because of this shitfest, I'm going camping in Wyoming this weekend. A good friend of mine is being recognized for outstanding achievements in artistic endeavors, and I want to attend. I would never have made my suit of armor without his assistance and tool setup. And I like the people that will be there. My car is good to go, and I can leave my room for the weekend. I fully intend to drink, fight, and fuck the stress away. It'll be a dream.

All the Metaphors

I am unbelievably anxious. I'm not one to get anxiety, but this is definitely one of those times. I turned in my letter of resignation today, and have yet to find a replacement job. I have options, and a plan, but I figure that if I don't find a job right away, I still have a fallback. And it's not a BAD fallback, per se. Just not the ideal one. And I know that this is probably because I've gotten too comfortable being where I am. I watch my client all day, then go home and do what I do until bed, never having to deal with rent, or buying or making food, or anything. This is ultimately ensuring that the quench doesn't crack me, I suppose, if I'm going to use this stupid blade metaphor.

This is for the best. I put on my best Tywin Lannister face, and try to convince myself that this is the only real option. As nice as it is being cooked for and not paying rent, it also sucks not being able to date. And I know it won't be like Aurora, where I suffered from a lack of everything. I have new clothes, I'm up-to-date on my medical things, and I'll be doing this with friends and plenty of people around. It won't be half as bad as I'm scaring myself into thinking it could be. Also, I'll be within a short driving distance of my producer buddy, so I could potentially really make a name for myself.

Ultimately, this is the correct decision. This is the smart decision. I only hope that fate is kind for the next year. Though all signs point to no. At this point, I feel like the appropriate thing to do is grab fate by the nuts, give a squeeze, and tell it that the real decision here isn't whether this happens, but whether fate gets to keep its boys.

See, the main problem has been that when I send my scripts off for readings, I get glowing praise, with one or two things they're not super fond of. Then they slap me with a 5 out of 10. It's like each reader went to the Vander Zee school of grading fuckery, as I've not been graded so hard since college botany. Not that I have a problem with tough grading. Keeps the riffraff out. But this plan is effectively us trying to get into a wonderful moated castle. Some people are paladins. They come at things head-on and sink or swim by their own merit. I, however, am a rogue, and I'll play to my strengths, coming at this sideways. We're effectively constructing a ladder to cross the moat and summarily scale the castle, with the assumption being that an appreciation for our cunning and ladder-making ability will net us a spot at someone's table once inside.

As much as I would like to make metaphors from here until eternity, I'm getting back to work. I've got a lot of dialogue to polish.

Fire and Blood

I'm watching the finale of Game of Thrones season 6 again (and the mostly-bad dialogue). But it seems like I'm headed to my personal Meereen, last stop before the great game. The proving ground, where I can show that I have the mettle to thrive in this environment. And it's all coming together. The second killer script in my portfolio is likely going to be completed this weekend. I really like the direction I went with Attila and Aetius. They're suddenly a lot stronger than they previously were. I didn't touch the stuff that was praised or otherwise good. The second head of the dragon is a god damn monster.

Also, I submitted my plan to Nid, the producer. He loved it and suggested that I do more than just write. So I'm aiming at a associate producer credit. Something where I'm not in charge of the bill, but I get some aspect of creative control. Not because I'm being stubborn. I mean, I managed to make his suggestions into major plot points for this beast, but I have ideas on how we can cheaply execute our special effects and make the story more believable. We're going to start in the winter/spring, and finish it in the summer. I have every confidence in our ability to create a hell of a movie on the cheap. My biggest concern is marketing, but I believe that, with a solid trailer, a good price (free), and the dozens of favors Nid is owed, we could get noticed. It's not a competition. It's a team effort.

Lastly, I'm moving back to Colorado soon. Myself, and my besties, Nate and Pam, are moving in, and we've found a good location. I think Aurora was a crucible, melting me down into something pure and hammering out something worth having. And living at home again was the quench. My folks mellowed me back out, so I'm cool to the touch. And now I'm going into finishing and testing, which is a process. Either way, it's seeming more and more like I'm ready for this. I only have to prove it before they'll let me play in Hollywood. 

Also, I have to find the third head of the dragon. I have some ideas, but nothing concrete yet. I don't want to remove the potency of this one. But who knows? The next one might be bigger and badder. I'm debating on either something archaic or something savage and barbaric. I do love me some barbarism. And I feel like it all comes naturally. In any case, it's still but a gleam in my eye. I'll keep you updated, Homeland Security people. ;D