Been a while.

I hadn't realized how much time it had been since I last wrote. And things have changed so much. So, here's a major update.

Still working on the soldier script, but we have a title and he got those alterations to me. They're all totally practical, and I'll get on it soon. We're just trying to make sure it's a deliberate firm step.

I'm working on a TV show idea on my own. I had to learn tv structure, which is wonky, but totally doable. And actually easy as pie once you get it all worked out. So, this could very well be something someone wants to read. If nothing else, it makes my portfolio look good (better). Because I've been told that the other scripts in there are all strong samples. So, this is another strong sample. And it's fun as hell to write. I think it has potential, but it needs more time on the cooker.

I'm working on planning out another one with a wildly unlikable protagonist. I think it's a good exercise, if nothing else. It should make me a better writer, and who knows? It may sell.

Um, Bran died. That was kind of a world-shaking event for me. He was drunk and rode his motorcycle and crashed in water. If any of those factors had been altered, he likely would still be with us. So, I traveled to Wyoming for the sendoff. And, this was devastating. It hit in spikes, and I imagine it'll do so for years to come. So I've resolved to be other people's Bran. I want to teach them to be better. To be strong. To be proud of who they are. And to fight like crazy shits. I lost the guy who taught me how to be a man, and what specifically it meant. So we had a Viking sendoff. We picked things that we wanted him to have, and since he either wouldn't accept them, or would give them to people who needed them, we FINALLY got to give him gifts he had to take. We burned so much stuff that night. And it was worth it, because he was a great man. "The light that burns half as bright, burns half as long." It was a cathartic experience.

Also, I got to see Kenny at the funeral and sendoff. He was my wonder twin while I lived in Casper. We did all kinds of shit together, back in the day. We were like Bran's minions back then. Getting drunk and getting into all kinds of shenanigans. And I got to see Oni and Kat, which was great, as it's been a few years. And Oni burned the "great coat of Oni," which was the bright red fighting tunic he's had since he started. That was huge for us, and a biological advantage for Bran, if he did get to Valhalla. That coat smelled like rank armpit for probably a decade. LOL

Emma is still interested in me, and we talked about it. It's mutual, and we'd like to see where it goes. She's really supportive and generally really awesome. A bit young, but she'll mature.

Cloud contacted me and asked me to live with her. I agreed, even though I hate Aurora. This should be different. I'll have access to people, which will be nice. And I thought I had a job in the bag, and they shot me down. And I panicked and threw resumes all over, and within minutes, I had another one offer me a job. So, lucky save. That's happening after Thanksgiving. My time in Iowa is on a fuse. About damn time.

Best damn event.

I just got back from my 12 hour drive from Battlemoor, which involuntarily began at 4 AM, so bear with me if it sounds like the rantings of a madman. I've been redlining on sleep for the last week. Also, this one is between me and you, DHS readers. Please don't spread it to the head of the CIA, as it's kind of personal.

I had three nights of work just before I left, so I had plenty of hours. Then I left and saw that my supervisors wanted me to do some bullshit petty corrections for them. Instead, I said fuck it and turned off the phone. I'd worked off the clock (which is illegal) for a day and a half between shifts. I needed to drink and fight to undo the damage that stress was doing to me. The drive was mellow, if long, and I ended up setting up my little pup tent alone in the dark. It was a mess, though it did eventually go together. Somehow I managed to get the tent poles wrong and the tent derped terribly, but it was temporary anyway. First night down.

The next morning I woke up and the rest of the barony was setting up around me, which was hilarious I had randomly chosen the exact site they were going to use, and I was camping with them. I went around and said hi to a bunch of folks. A couple of folks were mad at me, and let that be known, but there were far more people who were genuinely pleased to see me. And someone else being a dick to me doesn't necessarily reflect badly on me. Either way, I was friendly toward them regardless, as that DOES reflect me. And I hung out with Bran, getting munchies, because I thought I wasn't on the meal plan. And then I was and had a ton of extra food. Not the worst situation I'd been in. Also, Emma showed up and we were introduced by virtue of proximity. She was pretty awesome. Like, easily one of my top ten favorite people, and I've known her less than a week. Second night down.

The next morning I woke up and decided that, since the barony let me stay with them, despite having no obligation to, I had to fight on their behalf. And I armored up for melees. They only had a handful of fighters, and I think I might have been the only shield. Green team got steamrolled because no one was in charge. It was, for lack of a better word, pathetic. They were asking if we were ready, and our guys were still standing around bullshitting. We earned our asskicking. I got tackled, stomped, slammed, thrown, and actually pulled off a couple cool moves. But overall, it was a shitshow. Emma was there to fix my busted armor, tend to my many big-ass bruises, and we chatted over water and snacks. She encouraged me to fight in the consort tourney the following day (despite me lacking a consort), and I encouraged her to fight in the six foot spear tourney. I talked with Bran, and he encouraged me to ask her to be my consort, and I did. She seemed pleased. The party was fun, and I remember it, so it couldn't have been that bad. Third night down.

The woke up in pain. The melees had used all of my muscles way more than they were used to, and at such a high altitude. This also accompanied a massive beatdown, so I only did the tourney, which is weird, because I generally hate tourneys. Anyway, I fought, and Emma was there to help with straps and hydrating and glittery lip gloss, because my lips were chapped as hell. I beat ass at the tourney, considering my prior fighter practice had been about a year and a half ago. I first fought this little lady, who had the same skill level as myself. I basically cracked her defense open like a clam and shanked her in the face a couple times. She was pissed and wouldn't talk to me afterwards or when I saw her. Honestly, she needed to come for me when I was tired, which was often. Then I took on a glaive fighter, and I'm shocked I beat him, as he was really good. And then another glaive fighter, who beat me 2-1, so not too bad. I had one more loss until I was kicked out entirely, and I ended up fighting a knight, who had a gopro and beat my ass like it was his job. Afterwards, Emma tended some more wounds. At this point, she was growing on me like fungus on a sloth. Which was strange, because only a few days earlier, she was a stranger. And her soon-to-be knight was injured, so she tended to his wounds. She's just like that. I went to bed stupid early. Fourth night down.

The next night, I had no idea what was going on with her, as I was pretty enamored, but hadn't seen her that night, and I wondered if perhaps she reconsidered. It happens more often than you'd think. Either way, I figured I'd be mature about it. So I got ready for the spear tourney, because I had a goal. I suck with spears, but wanted to get good at grabbing other peoples' weapon hafts. We talked and I figured out that things hadn't changed, which was fine. And I DID grab weapon hafts left, right, and center. I died in every fight, and there were a few disappointing moments, but I had a weapon haft at least once each bout. I now have the confidence to do that more often. And afterwards, I did some slow work with Emma on dealing with shields, as she's apparently not too used to fighting them. She also got squired, which is a significant moment. But she's at about that point, and her knight is a great guy, so I was happy for her. When it was done, I had to fix my tent, and a wonderful gent named Andre held it down in a downpour so I could foolishly try and fix it. It did kind of work. Then Emma wanted me to hang out with her, and we hung out for the rest of the day.

Later that night, she packed down (even our cars were unwittingly hanging out in the parking lot). So we walked around the camps, hanging out with people a bit, but mostly enjoying each others company. And then we had a long talk, just us. I know it sounds stupid, because it's so early, but I really really like this girl. And it became apparent that she likes me back. Our conversation meandered all over and all-but got to the point where I asked her out. I didn't, but only because I didn't want the first month or so to be long distance. I want to do it in person. But, I think I was right. I had a talk with a friend, who kind of bragged about how he was sure he could hook up with her at the event, and after the first night, I told him that she was the kind you bring home, not to your tent. And through our conversations, it seemed that we have a lot of the same values and (most) opinions and history and desires (for relationships, anyway), though our personalities are totally different. And she grew up in the same podunk town my aunt and uncle live in in Colorado. Small world.

She amazes me. I feel like she would inspire me to want to carry my weight in a power couple. And that she would be able to do so on her own, naturally. And she expressed interest back. I want this. I purposely put it in such a situation that I have to get out there before making it happen. I'm going to defeat my own nature by tricking me into doing what I want me to do. Sounds trippy, but I know how I work, and what'll happen. I'm hacking my own mind. Also, she's the polar opposite of Lyndsie, and if I made it work with her (for a time) then I'm certain this one that comes so naturally would actually be a really good relationship. Like, one that could grow strong.

Anyway, my vision is clouding, and words are tumbling out. So, night all.

Rolling with the punches.

I just finished the rough draft of my indie film about a soldier. It's got potential, provided I can hit that potential. I like the characters. They're solid, individual, and fun to write. I like the twists and turns in the story, despite it being relatively simple. It's not an action-packed story, but I'm not working on an action-packed budget, so there. I've been thinking of how we're going to do the scenes we can on the budget we don't really have, and I've got ideas. And I haven't even spoken with the director/main producer about this. Either way, it sounds like we're making a god damn movie. He's all in, I'm all in enough to spend hours a day on this thing. It's happening. Now I'm just pouring time into editing, to ensure I can be finished by the end of September. I at LEAST want to be done with the flashbacks, so we have something to film in the summer. I can probably take my time a bit with the rest, as we're going to have a bit of real-world time lapse there.

And I've still got my Attila the Hun project on the back burner. I genuinely think the problem is twofold. First, I put so much effort into appeasing the readers that it kind of lost its sense of self. It lost a vital chunk of what it was because I was so eager to do what I could to ensure that someone saw it. Second, after the catastrophe that is Ben Hur, they won't make this movie with a gun to their heads. So I'll do one more pass, just to make it what I want it to be, then it goes quietly into my portfolio. And I go to more modern movies. Movies that cost less to make and tend to gross higher. *INFINITE SIGH* It really sucks to have to blame this on someone I've never even seen, but the fact is, Hollywood will avoid this movie like it's got face-chlamydia, simply because a similar movie did abysmally. But, that's the way their system works, and I've got to get used to it, because I cannot expect them to change everything to accommodate me. That's lead-paint-chips level dumb.

Also, I have yet to speak with Nate and Pam since they booted me from our joint-venture. I think the big reason is that Nate wanted a stoner roommate, and I refuse. I simply have too much to do to sit there and do nothing for a day, much less months or years. And the last time we hung out, we smoked a bit (so I could work out the issues in The Hun) and I thought I caught some bitchy subtext from him, basically telling me that I'm a college dropout who lives with his mother, so I should become a stoner. He's not wrong on the first two points. But just because I'm down, doesn't mean I'm out. I've spent the last three years learning a skill that pays well, obsessing over writing scripts. I've written ten of the suckers. It's not like I've been sitting around playing video games and getting fat. My figuring is that video games are fun, but ultimately useless. Somewhere out there is the best damn Goldeneye player that ever lived. And they have a skill that's been useless for twenty years. Why would I want that? Why be good at something that has no real world value? That person probably poured thousands of hours into that, and got exactly zero in return for it. With that in mind, why bother?

Also, on a related note, I'll probably be moving to Cheyenne, like I genuinely want to. And since I have a more flexible time table for this, I figure I can do it at my own pace. I'll work on getting my CNA worked out first, I'll save some cash, then I'll keep an eye open for pet friendly places within my price range. I know a guy in Cheyenne who works at a career placement center, so it'd be pretty easy. And my friends from Cheyenne told me that they'd be glad to have me. To be honest, I like Cheyenne infinitely more than Colorado. Colorado is becoming a hole, and Cheyenne is close enough to Fort Collins that I can still see my friends in the south, but not a crazy drive from Casper either, so I can see my friends in the north too. So, that's a plan. And it'll probably happen exactly like that too, because I don't change my fucking plan every week. It's hard to hit a moving target. Bah!

If nothing else, I figure this is proof that my last couple years have been good to me. Aurora was a shitheap. My whole life was crappy. Little money, little food, shitty apartment. It WAS a crucible, and it DID break me down to my core bits. I melted entirely, dumped the slag, and got pounded into whatever shape the powers that be wanted. And this time at home has been a quench. It was a nice period of mellow recuperation. This right here though is the tempering, I think. I'm working more hours than ever before, I'm dealt with people who consistently try (consciously or otherwise) to break me, and I'm holding my edge admirably. I had a bad night when that guy told me he hated my script, but nothing before or after that, and one bad day in a year is pretty good. There have been some bumps, some bruises, but nothing I can't handle.

Just Another Update

Plugging away on this pilot story. I figure I'll have a ton of hours next week to continue on this thing. But I'm doing awesome, juggling all these projects. I do one scene revision on The Hun when I wake up, because it's not on the front burner anymore, and I'm planning my World War 2 story. The time I've spent working it out has been good to me, and this is seeming really fucking entertaining just out the gate. And people love World War 2. This is a story that hasn't been done yet too, which means it should be pretty damn fun. And it'll probably be panned too, but fuck it. I do this for me. I've seen some sick movies in my head that other people likely won't get to see, and that's pretty cool.

And I've been keeping up with my exercise. I've been ramping it up, and I'll probably add onto my left arm weight duration and jump up to the 10 pound weight with my right hand. Sure, I won't be huge, but I don't need to be. Being a bodybuilder doesn't benefit you in fighting. It's just more mass to work around. There's a reason MMA fighters are toned little guys. They have enough muscle to get the job done and retain their dexterity. Ever watch the original Conan the Barbarian? He can barely wield that damn sword, his upper body is so big. And it doesn't take that much strength to ruin someone with a sword. You need the speed to deliver it where it needs to go, the accuracy to hit the target, and a modicum of strength. My left side is bulking plenty though. I should be able to wield that big-ass shield all day. I'm stoked. I love that shield. I want to be buried with that shield.

I think I owe quite a bit of this explosion in activity to me quitting smoking. It had its uses, but ultimately it slowed me down. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it, but I enjoy being productive more. I figure it's like Rip Van Winkle's moonshine. It puts your brain to sleep, and it dreams, and dreaming is amazing, but at some point, you have to wake up and get going.

So, that's my update slash thought for the day. Also, who keeps reading this? It can't possibly be that interesting. It must be the government. In which case, my name isn't Mike, but Rusty Shackleford.

Transition.

I went through the transition this weekend, and it was smooth as a baby's buns. Or butter. Or buttered baby buns. In any case, it's a positive step. I'm effectively being paid to sleep, which is pretty damn good. And I also write dialogue well at night, It's a thing. I don't get it. It's the way I am.

So, I worked my first shift last night, and I didn't anticipate sleeping, but the recliner there is epic, and I slept most of the night. One of the guys woke me up at 6 because he'd had a blowout, and I got to mop diarrhea off the floor, but at least it was linoleum. And that's literally the worst thought I had about it, so I think this may be a good fit. And then I made breakfast in the morning. It was fun, to be honest. A good temporary fit, but still temporary.

Also, I've begun my workout in good order. I've already seen results, so it seems like a good idea. My plan is to encourage my left upper body to become slow-twitch muscle, as my shield is a beast and needs to be hefted for long periods at a time. Then I'll encourage my right side to become fast-twitch muscle, as a sword or ax should be fast more than anything else, and if I still have some semblance of accuracy, I can probably do some damage. Also, I've got this sweet high-altitude training mask, so I'll get to work on the stair-elliptical thing with it. Hopefully by the end of the month, I'm a tank. I did well at Dragon's, but I got tired, and the fighting wasn't a long time. I plan to bust ass at Battlemoor. I've already seen results. My left shoulder is getting big, and my forearms are getting toned, which is a good sign. Now I just need to stop drinking until the end of the month, and keep up the cardio.

Exercising sucks buttholes. Except that I saw one of my folks' friends who was divorced a while back, and she looked FINE. Except that she's like, thirty years older than me. But still, she looked good enough for porn. Like, good porn.

Also, I'm working on my scripts. I realized that I did the same thing about this shitty review as I always do. I get mad, I get drunk, and I read it again a couple days later, then pick up exactly what they wanted me to get. My character arcs ARE confusing. So I'm planning some minor overhaul stuff. I guess I'm NOT done with The Hun. It'll be alright though. I know exactly which scenes need to be altered, but I'm prioritizing my other script. Which is going well. I made sure to work out the character arcs, just to be safe. And the dialogue is solid. I mean, this is rough draft shit, and each character already has their own voice. But who knows if the final product will be any good. One can hope! And I'm working out another spec script concept, getting it primped and ready to write. And I have another that I'm mucking around with right now. It's nowhere near being written, but it's interesting... Not that interesting is good at all. It'll either be super popular or totally panned.

I'm also working out another indie script option. It should end up a low-budget character-oriented webseries. And I think it has all kinds of potential, but I have yet to really dig into the meat of it. So, who knows? It'll likely end up on the heap of abandoned script ideas, but at least I HAVE a heap of abandoned ideas. I assume there are people who just roll headlong with each idea they get. W/E

The results are in...

They fucking hated it. Sixes across the board. It was like the Screencraft reader didn't hardly read the thing. Like they went into it with a bad attitude, because they just picked apart the odd misspelled word and went on about how they hated that it wasn't "period" dialogue, because rather than have everyone some stodgy Elizabethan character, I had them talk like real people. Like people of different social classes and from different countries. And my characters got a six, despite there being not one single complaint against any one of them.

So I'm fucking drinking tonight. I essentially paid a hundred bucks to have some asshole trash my script. I made changes last time, but not this time. I fixed the spelling errors, but multiple other readers gave me kudos for my dialogue, calling it "not derivative." I just liked that they talked and acted like people who do more than sit around in a ruined frieze, drinking and wearing togas. And that's my biggest issue with readers. They go WAY out of their way to give a no. There is no consistency. What one reader hates, another loves, and vice versa. There is no definitive way in, you just have to find someone who really loves your work, but you don't get to pick or have any say in matters. I mean, I KNOW this is a good script. Just a bad reader. I'm absolutely floored that they spent the better part of the page of notes telling me my spelling errors. Fucking useless.

This is the kind of reader who would have shot down Jurassic World, which grossed $1.52 billion. These people regularly tell me my style is like 300 or Troy (which both grossed half a billon) and then shoot my shit down. And then Hollywood is all "why do all our movies suck," and then they put out 100,000 superhero movies that are all effectively the same bullshit, with a different costume. It's because they have the LEAST efficient means of coming up with good script concepts. BAH! I'm just railing against the system.

Maybe I should take Connie up on her offer. Have the script sent to her cousin who works in Hollywood. I think I will. And I'll bust my ass on this script with Nid. If we can prove that we can make a good script without a budget, it should be proving our worth.
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And this shit always happens on my worst days. I had such a crappy day at work, and those always correspond with getting shit reviews. The last time I had one, it was the same shit. Bad day all around, topped off with sprinkles made of a project I poured my heart and soul into. And that ax head is four days late. No sign of it. And I worked with one of my least favorite clients, who goes to extremes to be as irritating as possible, because annoyed people give him attention, and he's totally starved for it. So, whatever. Fuck today.

Bullshit Floodgates Opened

My week has been the literal worst. Let me break it down. First, Nate went nuts on Saturday. He had an anxiety attack and we ended up busting the window out of his vehicle to remove him, because it sure looked like he was going to drive home without a license. He played it off today like he was going to park it elsewhere. I think it's a bullshit excuse. He's playing off his negatives and upselling his positives, as per usual. But what other options do I have if I want this thing to happen? He got all defensive and picked a fight with his wife, and she nearly left his ass. He was alright when I went there today. But I want him to make proactive steps to ensure this shit doesn't happen again. Everyone has bad days. But he needs to get some semblance of a grip.

Also, I found the bedbugs that have been eating me for the last several months. There were easily fifty in the box-spring. If it sounds gross, imagine trying to sleep on that. I duct taped them and burned the tape. And I felt righteous. Like Aerys Targaryen, I burned them all. And we've been fighting them pretty consistently. It sucks. It's stupid. They're the worst creature ever invented. I want to mail them back to whoever spread them to me.

Lastly, this move has been postponed until September. Hopefully later in the month. But this gives me time to actually prepare, and get some shit done. We still have the place. We're still planning on it. Only, later. Which could even be a good thing.I plan to get my CNA worked out, save up money, and get a job before then. And Becca's friend is moving there from South Dakota around the same time. She's been subtly trying to set us up, but I can see it. Why not give it a shot?

Also, because of this shitfest, I'm going camping in Wyoming this weekend. A good friend of mine is being recognized for outstanding achievements in artistic endeavors, and I want to attend. I would never have made my suit of armor without his assistance and tool setup. And I like the people that will be there. My car is good to go, and I can leave my room for the weekend. I fully intend to drink, fight, and fuck the stress away. It'll be a dream.

All the Metaphors

I am unbelievably anxious. I'm not one to get anxiety, but this is definitely one of those times. I turned in my letter of resignation today, and have yet to find a replacement job. I have options, and a plan, but I figure that if I don't find a job right away, I still have a fallback. And it's not a BAD fallback, per se. Just not the ideal one. And I know that this is probably because I've gotten too comfortable being where I am. I watch my client all day, then go home and do what I do until bed, never having to deal with rent, or buying or making food, or anything. This is ultimately ensuring that the quench doesn't crack me, I suppose, if I'm going to use this stupid blade metaphor.

This is for the best. I put on my best Tywin Lannister face, and try to convince myself that this is the only real option. As nice as it is being cooked for and not paying rent, it also sucks not being able to date. And I know it won't be like Aurora, where I suffered from a lack of everything. I have new clothes, I'm up-to-date on my medical things, and I'll be doing this with friends and plenty of people around. It won't be half as bad as I'm scaring myself into thinking it could be. Also, I'll be within a short driving distance of my producer buddy, so I could potentially really make a name for myself.

Ultimately, this is the correct decision. This is the smart decision. I only hope that fate is kind for the next year. Though all signs point to no. At this point, I feel like the appropriate thing to do is grab fate by the nuts, give a squeeze, and tell it that the real decision here isn't whether this happens, but whether fate gets to keep its boys.

See, the main problem has been that when I send my scripts off for readings, I get glowing praise, with one or two things they're not super fond of. Then they slap me with a 5 out of 10. It's like each reader went to the Vander Zee school of grading fuckery, as I've not been graded so hard since college botany. Not that I have a problem with tough grading. Keeps the riffraff out. But this plan is effectively us trying to get into a wonderful moated castle. Some people are paladins. They come at things head-on and sink or swim by their own merit. I, however, am a rogue, and I'll play to my strengths, coming at this sideways. We're effectively constructing a ladder to cross the moat and summarily scale the castle, with the assumption being that an appreciation for our cunning and ladder-making ability will net us a spot at someone's table once inside.

As much as I would like to make metaphors from here until eternity, I'm getting back to work. I've got a lot of dialogue to polish.

Fire and Blood

I'm watching the finale of Game of Thrones season 6 again (and the mostly-bad dialogue). But it seems like I'm headed to my personal Meereen, last stop before the great game. The proving ground, where I can show that I have the mettle to thrive in this environment. And it's all coming together. The second killer script in my portfolio is likely going to be completed this weekend. I really like the direction I went with Attila and Aetius. They're suddenly a lot stronger than they previously were. I didn't touch the stuff that was praised or otherwise good. The second head of the dragon is a god damn monster.

Also, I submitted my plan to Nid, the producer. He loved it and suggested that I do more than just write. So I'm aiming at a associate producer credit. Something where I'm not in charge of the bill, but I get some aspect of creative control. Not because I'm being stubborn. I mean, I managed to make his suggestions into major plot points for this beast, but I have ideas on how we can cheaply execute our special effects and make the story more believable. We're going to start in the winter/spring, and finish it in the summer. I have every confidence in our ability to create a hell of a movie on the cheap. My biggest concern is marketing, but I believe that, with a solid trailer, a good price (free), and the dozens of favors Nid is owed, we could get noticed. It's not a competition. It's a team effort.

Lastly, I'm moving back to Colorado soon. Myself, and my besties, Nate and Pam, are moving in, and we've found a good location. I think Aurora was a crucible, melting me down into something pure and hammering out something worth having. And living at home again was the quench. My folks mellowed me back out, so I'm cool to the touch. And now I'm going into finishing and testing, which is a process. Either way, it's seeming more and more like I'm ready for this. I only have to prove it before they'll let me play in Hollywood. 

Also, I have to find the third head of the dragon. I have some ideas, but nothing concrete yet. I don't want to remove the potency of this one. But who knows? The next one might be bigger and badder. I'm debating on either something archaic or something savage and barbaric. I do love me some barbarism. And I feel like it all comes naturally. In any case, it's still but a gleam in my eye. I'll keep you updated, Homeland Security people. ;D

Up in the air.

Everything is a mess.

I'm working on more edits for The Hun, using the feedback from the Blacklist. Most of it is genuinely good feedback, but I still hate their system. In any case, I've come up with the changes that need to be made before I send the script onward for my next reading (through another company). I think these might be the edits that take it to the next level. And though I don't think it'll be the one to save me, it could very well be extra money in my pocket once success does strike. Having a decent portfolio is underrated.

I'm currently working on another project with Nid. He's the director and producer, and I think it'll be a good script if I'm allowed to take my time on it. So far, it has a very strong sense of self, and I think we're on the same page, which is a good first step. At this point, I'm just brainstorming ideas for it, because Nid's been busy as hell on this thing. He's got a Hollywood sound guy, a source of good actors, and even the aid of the local reserve branch, so we have access to good props. I'm fucking stoked. This has the potential to be a career-maker, and both of us want it to be that. We want this thing to open the door for us, and I'm confident that the potential is there. I really cannot express how excited I am for this.

I'm certain I won't be moving West with the others. They're out there this weekend, checking houses or something in an area I don't want to live in. I'm still torn as to whether or not I tell them of my suspicions, or wait it out and see if this was another instance of solid intuition. I still believe that Katie and Chelsie will bug out and stick them all with the bill. But you know, perhaps this movie with Nid is going to work out, and I'll be moving to California soon anyway. Who knows?

Still looking for jobs in Cheyenne or Fort Collins. Either would be good enough. I'm just kind of done with Iowa. I mean, this will likely be a good summer, and I'm genuinely excited for it, but I'm really trying to get this new career off the ground and going. I'll keep you posted.

Definition of insanity.

The definition of insanity, as I've been told, is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. I was recently chastised by the divine for such a thing. I wanted to know where the weaknesses in The Hun were, so I bought two reviews from the Black List. And, like a moron, expected to somehow get a good score. The review was helpful, and well-worth the money, but at this point, I wish they'd just remove the scores altogether. They're not helpful.

My first one got a 7, which is solid. My second one got a 5, for being too expensive. Typical. And the thing was, they both agreed on the big issues, with little ones thrown in that could potentially be corrected. The big issue was that Attila wasn't fleshed out enough, and his voice was lacking. I agree wholeheartedly. I had overlooked it, and given stronger voice to everyone BUT the title character. Foolish, and easily rectified. I also changed another character's dialogue, and this was soundly rejected. My bad, guys. It was a last-minute change, and I can change it back in an evening. No harm, no foul. Other than that, nothing but praise.

The issue is that, somewhere in the wait, I had assumed that the Black List was going to be my salvation. Some agent would see it and think "now there's a guy who can write," and pass it off to Chris Pratt or Jennifer Lawrence, and I would be redeemed. But I forgot that this website exists solely to peddle upcoming indie flicks. I'm like a jeweler operating in a fish market, I swear to God. And it came down on me, hard. Last night, I was all fire, ready to make a badass script. Then I read that and nearly quit writing altogether. After all, it got the same score as Shogun. I'd spent a whole year writing between then and now, and I get the same damn score? FOR REAL?

Luckily, I opted not to. I figured that I'm much closer to success than to the beginning. I mean, it's downhill from here. A long downhill, but downhill nonetheless. And who knows? I still have options. More than most people, probably. And since I know damn-well I can make solid characters (except for Attila, I guess), I should try a more accepting market. My buddy, Nid, is an indie director. I figure that, while I work on another script that will be panned by Hollywood's gatekeepers, we could at LEAST get something good on Youtube, If it's well-received, it could be a career-maker. And Nid is a good guy, with a lot of talent. If anyone can make it work, he can.

I figure I'm open to any genre, themes, and rough character. If he can give me the gist of what he wants, I'll do my damnedest to get it fleshed out right. I think this might be the right route. For he and I both. I'll keep this thing updated, don't fret. He and I will talk about this tonight. To be honest, I'm pretty stoked.

PERSONAL STUFF:
I think I'm just out of the rooming thing. I haven't told them yet, but they'll come up with everything on their own anyway. And when it comes down to it, I think Katie wants to live in Colorado, with her bestie. Not with the rest of us. If (when) things go tits-up, I think the pair will abandon the rest of us to go live on their own. And I refuse to join into something that I see is doomed to failure. And in the handful of times that she and I have been around each other, and the stories they tell me about her, I have seen that she's a drama queen. I feel like that's going to make housing complex, and I'd prefer it as simple as humanly possible. No politics, drama, or fighting. Home is a safe place.

So yeah. Personal life. I have no idea what's going on. I intend to move out there on my own, if this isn't changed. And, to be honest, even if it IS changed, I may move out there on my own anyway. I don't trust her. I think she's psychologically damaged, and I foresee a long damn year ahead of us. Now the question is: Do I tell them my thoughts and risk it becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, or do I keep it to myself and risk people I like going through hell?

Update

There's not much to update, really. I finally took a trip to meet my niece, and she's adorable. One month old. She likes crying and pooping. I'm a fan of both as well, so we have a lot in common. Jokes. Also, I'm working on plotting out a couple more scripts that I can bust out back-to-back. It'll take time, but that's about it. I feel like they're actually getting good.

I FINALLY had a download on The Hun, so I'm waiting. I'm being a pessimist though, as I had high hopes last time, and the time before that, and each one was a kick in the dick. So I'm anticipating a 6. It seems pretty low, considering I want an 8. But having low hopes isn't bad. It leaves plenty of room for pleasant surprises. At this point it's a waiting game. I'm just keeping busy with other projects.

My move just got complicated. Creeper Chick decided that we're moving to CO Springs, instead of Fort Collins, because she has an interview there. The others are all on-board, because they've never been there. I'm still moving to Fort Collins, but this means I might be doing it solo. I'm cool with it, other than my original plan being hijacked. The more time I spend with this chick, the less I like her. I'm pretty sure she has a personality disorder that no one else sees. But they were all "we're voting on this," and "sacrifices must be made." I'm under no obligation to stick with this group, nor sacrifice my premise for said move because people who haven't lived there voted against me. Fuck that. I can wait as long as I need to. Who knows? Maybe The Hun will fly off the shelf and I'll end up in L.A. instead. Long shot, but possible.

Also looking to make a script for a friend. Sort of a wilderness western, to take advantage of his location, and the fact that it should be easy to dress a few people up as cowboys. If it gets pretty big on Youtube, it may launch my career anyway. Always be looking for other angles of attack, you know? And if it helps another amateur filmmaker, that wouldn't be a bad thing.

NYAH!

So, I realized that I focus far too much on my writing, which is the point of this, of course. But it's come to the point where I'm neglecting my life. It's a fine line, as I'm pretty damn devoted to my purpose, but how could I write what I know, if all I know is writing? It becomes a catch-22. So, you've been forewarned. I'm going to start doing little life-blurbs in these.

So I'm working on developing out my ancient script, and instead of starting on the characters and giving them stuff to do, I'm trying to focus on my main storyline and what's necessary for it to run, with particular focus on my first-string characters. I have a couple relevant subplots and my themes already established. My characters are basically different ways to focus on the thematic statement. So that should be fun to explore. And my villains are both antithetical to my main character. And I based my main character on my homie, Cloud, so the voice is already pretty much in my head. I could write her dialogue in my sleep.

Right now though, I'm in that awkward gathering stage, where I'm picking what things I want in it. And I have some strong shit in here, but I'm trying to get the broad strokes planned, and then see if I can make them stronger, cooler, more original. I learned a lot from y year in Aurora. My big thing was watching Game of Thrones, and I learned "sexposition" on my own. More broadly, it boils down to delivering exposition while something more interesting is going on. So if you've heard the story, or if story bores you, here's something else (like boobs). So I'm implementing it. It's brilliant, really. I just hate the gathering stage, because it feels lazy. Days of not actively writing, just brainstorming. I'm too gung-ho to sit around and think for too long. Which is in-and-of-itself a problem, as I end up pushing relatively-undeveloped scripts. *shrug*
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Personal stuff. Went on a roadtrip with the roomies, and it was good. I pretty much got whatever bug was in my system regarding future-roomie out, which is a good positive step. Bad decisions don't become good ones because you want them to be. Better to purge bad ideas from your system than run with them and suffer the consequences down the road. And I've spoken with a friend about my crush on a mutual friend, and she said she'd give that a gentle push. I can take it from there. I've come to a couple conclusions regarding my life.

1) I observe too much, often eschewing action in favor of continued observation.

2) I need to stop being the "honorable" guy and take opportunities that come my way. The next time a buddy's crush likes me, I'm going for it. Sorry in advance.

3) I think I caught whatever virus Pam had during the trip, because I'm probably going to yak. Until better times, internet-peeps.

Adrift with no anchor.

I finished it and sent it off. Ordered a pair of readings too, just to be sure I didn't completely blow it. I'm confident, but right now, I don't have a project that I'm explicitly working on. And I have some that aren't quite good enough, but none of the other projects I'm working on feel...right. But, you'll find that's the theme right now.

I also completed Grand Theft Auto 5 (not as cool as writing, I know). I've been playing it for nearly a year, but I have no feeling of completion. I watched the season finale of Walking Dead, which I was hyped up for, but again, so fucking what? I got what I wanted with all three things, and it doesn't mean that much after I've gotten it. And don't get me wrong, if I sell The Hun script, I'll do a happy dance for days, but I hate having such a lack of direction. My religious war script has issues that I dislike, which makes me think I'll put a ton of work into it and end up with another writing sample. Lot of work for what's effectively a line on a resume. My Greek script feels like it has potential, but it's not there yet. And I get that part of it is to be done on the paper, but I just don't want to spend more time on a script that won't turn out to be a GREAT one. And it sounds like a cop-out. You work until one of them shines. I just want one that shines more brightly than The Hun, and I'm not getting that with my current projects. I have a dozen, easily, but none of them are bright enough, you know?

So right now, I'm like a ship with no anchor and no harbor. Kind of directionless. I really hope this passes quickly. I don't have time for this bullshit.

Some Bullshit

I don't really know where I'm going with this one. Just kind of feeling it out. Which is convenient, because my writing is at the "feeling it out" stage. I'm starting my Greek script, but I doubt it'll sell. I'll see what they think when its done. Who fucking knows? Maybe it'll be bomb-ass (but probably not). Worst case scenario, it'll be a good place to go after a successful actual movie gets made. And The Hun has real potential there. I genuinely think this one will go the distance. I mean, I thought my other ones would too, but this one is really cool (though not 100% perfect).

I'm currently probing for ideas for my next other script. I think my WWII script will come soon, but I want options, and I want to wait with the WWII one, because people like WWII. If I'm a "great writer" by then, it stands a bigger chance of getting picked up. But this other one is an interesting concept, and REALLY early. It's got Ramses II in it, for reference. It's fucking ancient. But I already have the main plot kind of hazily put together, and one of the subplots worked out enough that I think it'll stay, which is good, because it's grim. I love me some grim-ass plot. No spoilers yet, but there will be. And I love my main character. It's based on my Aurora-bestie, Cloud. I'm even going to make the main character gay. It'll be a great time, and a hell of a character. One of my favorite people, immortalized on-screen.

Well, now I'm off to come up with names. Night, everybody.

Alea iacta est.

"The die is cast." That's kind of how I'm feeling at this point. I woke up early yesterday to finish my final actual draft, then stayed up late to make sure that it passed my final read. Both times I changed next to nothing, and the last time, I actually stopped to check where I was on page 60. The story beats match up with the ones in the book (ON ACCIDENT, NO LESS!). And I filled it out a lot since the last time I submitted it. Even then, it was a generally positive response. Their advice was valid, and as I checked it, I noticed more and more things that could have been improved, and I did.

And now it's been sent off to the Blacklist. Part of me is pretty sure they'll like it. They weren't monsters with my last pieces (though they got noticeably less generous over time). But part of me is convinced they exist to hook up indie scripts with buyers. The big criticism is that mine would be "expensive," which is valid, because I didn't skimp on the action. But in the same token, they're EPICS. I aimed big, and their criticism is that it's big? And then they rant and rave about these character-driven dramas that are probably good scripts, and would probably make an enjoyable movie-going experience, but of the top grossing movies, only 1 was a character-driven drama, and that was Titanic. We went because CG was still pretty new, and James Cameron is a badass. I mean, people will watch those movies, but will they pay ten bucks to see them? Probably not. People want their minds blown. That's why they go to theaters, rather than staying home and watching Netflix. 

*shrug* That's just me though, and I don't know shit. So yeah. I'm hopeful. Still going to throw down on a couple contests though, to hedge my bets. And work on the next project, but you'll hear plenty about them when I get there.

Also, lastly, I hope no one checks my internet history. They must think I'm 100% fucked up. I went through a big research binge on cannibalism, and now I'm looking up a thing on incest survivors (which has nothing to do with The Hun or my upcoming WWII pic.) But seriously. Weird weird shit.

FRIDAY'S ALMOST HERE, SON.

I must say, the more I use Fade In, the more impressed with it I am. It's different than Celtx, but not BAD in any way. Actually, I can fit more words on the dialogue lines, which is nice. My goal was to be done-done with The Hun by Friday, so I can move on to planning other projects, and finish editing a lesser project I've been working on (I.E., one that likely won't sell). But the progress has been leaps and bounds. I anticipate being done tomorrow, barring some freak accident. And then it's off to some contests and the Blacklist. Casting a wider net, now that it's streamlined. I figure that now is the time to show that I know what I'm doing, because I don't think there's anything I'm missing.

And when it's done-done, I'm going to do a full reading each day until Friday, when I send it off. I don't think I need good vibes though, because this isn't a good-vibes script. It's fucked up and mean and kind of a tragedy, but a hell of a ride. Like a historical one-shot Game of Thrones, with a Roman flavor. I'm dead-convinced, if it doesn't sell now, it will when they finally discover me. Living in a cave like Ted Kaczynski, writing plot synopses of every historical event ever recorded.

So that's a thing. And I have edits to make, but they're so small and so simple, it should take literally ten minutes. Just tweaking descriptions and adding single sentences to existing dialogue. SLACK. God, I wish I could wake up in the morning and just do this. Wake up when I want, do my work when I want, put it down when I want (which is the real struggle -- my muse is a dominatrix), and get paid solid paychecks for my efforts. None of this busting my ass for the scraps from the head-guy's table. I mean, I guess this is technically scraps from the head-guy's table, but the head guy dumps a feast's worth of scraps, so there'a ample pickings. None of this eating spaghetti for a week bullshit.

*DEEP BREATH* I am closer to the end than to the beginning.

Also, my little brother had his kid. We go to visit her next month, so that should be fun. I got a TON done last time I went down there. And since he flies an F-15, I'm hoping to get some cool shit down for my WWII one. It's about the Battle of Britain, and they have a Battle of Britain-themed bar there, with an actual Spitfire out front. I'm going to haunt that place like a ghost for at LEAST one night. And I hope to come up with some cool piloting shit too. Like, incorporate some stories and the like. I mean, when he was with The Eagles, the queen of fucking England footed the bill for their party, so clearly this wasn't bluster. And I bet he'd like being involved in one of these. At least the planning, which is the easy shit.

Lastly, it says someone IS reading these. If it's you, homeland security, the Unabomber thing was a gag. Just talking shit. I don't even think there even ARE caves in Iowa.

Next Level.

I believe I have hit the next level, folk. The one folk who reads this. Who is me. Because no one reads this. Which is fine. ANYWAY, next level. DING! It's been an exciting week for me.

First, a couple nights ago, I worked out my last character who had to get cut. What's left stays. I was working on it, trying to straighten out some scenes that I knew weren't EXACTLY right, but I couldn't figure out how. So, I consulted my buddy and afterwards looked at them again. Not only did I tweak them and make them far better, I figured out exact things that needed to be altered or changed. Set-ups that make it make it clearer, twists that make it tighter, and I actually came up with a sort of overall riding subtext that I wanted to flow through this thing, front to back. In this light, it's a thing of beauty. To me. Infinitely better than it was initially, and that one wasn't BAD, per se. Just not GREAT. This is GREAT, and that's what they want.

Now I'm doing my second-to-last polish and sending it off. But the other night, when I looked at it in PDF, Celtx had some weird glitch, where it would garble the last line on several pages, so my characters would seductively coo "Doattbygoladoempila," or some similar shit, which is far from sexy. And it kills my ability to provide a quality product. I was dicey about Celtx anyway, since it also gets glitchy about the underline, and I use it to mark bits that need to be fixed later. So it's been an occasional ass-pain, but today I had it. There's no sense coming up with good dialogue if my punchlines are going to need a god damn cryptographer to get them. It makes me look like  stupid jackass, which isn't going to land me a career. I considered Final Draft, but it's so god damn expensive, and I'm on a budget. I went with a new one, Fade In. It was quick to learn, had the same tools I was used to (albeit in a different location), but ultimately fucking slick. I'm a big damn fan. I converted 42 pages of Celtx script to Fade In today. It's my second-to-last draft.

So, I'm busting my ass to get this thing done. I'm doing everything to make it happen. I started on it at 9 AM, and ended at 7 PM, because any more Redbull and Warduna, and my brain would leak from my ears. But I got a chunk of it going, editing it all the way. I'm really proud of this one. And I saw the new Ben Hur trailer. My hope is that this movie brings a lot of excitement, because it could very well reinvigorate the exact genre I'm selling. I mean, the shit in that movie is so close to what I'm bringing to the table. I only hope they skip the preachy shit at the end and focus on the cool shit, like boats and chariots. Shit I write about, because they're so much cooler than a random religious experience. Also, because I think people would react to it better, giving me a better chance of selling my shit and killing my student loans once and for all.

So, that's a thing. The stars are aligning and the portents look good. I hate saying this because I'm not superstitious, but I match my astrological symbol well enough, so perhaps it's a good call. But I've been busting my ass on this for years. More than two! I'm close to my Saturn return, and I've been diligent as fuck. Good times HAVE to be coming my way.

Ravaged by Attila

This script is proving itself pretty tough. I've been changing it as per the Screencraft people's advice, because they were right about the pacing issue. I finally went in and found it. I think I worked the kinks out. And I whittled down the characters. And I let the main plotline shine through. I guess they weren't big on ensemble pieces, but that's understandable, because it did create a really shaky narrative. In any case, it's been fixed. I'm through the rewrite draft, which is a BIIIIITCH. But it was managed in a week. I've got a couple contests I was going to drop it in this month, so that's good.

Also, I have yet to hear back from the Screencraft folks, regarding the quarter-finalists. It's not bad at all. I'm actually pleased to know that they're trying their best to do a really good job. I think I can MAYBE get into the quarter-finals, but probably not much further. Which isn't a bad thing. I mean, I submitted the script as soon as I finished it. I needed the intensive review more than anything else. The industry hook-up and final draft material would have been welcome relief though. Celtx is getting wonky sometimes (but thankfully not now). I'm losing trust in it. In any case, the plan is to ensure that this one isn't the hillbilly brother-cousin of the previous script, and that it's definitively better. Then I plan on throwing down on the other two contests (which escape me now) and probably the Blacklist. If they liked my samurai piece, they're gonna shit when they read this.

I'm convinced. My method is down well enough that I can make an epic in the designated Hollywood time-frame. Ten weeks for the first draft, four the next. I can do this with ease now, My shit is marketable (according to them), and I know what I'm doing. It's inevitable, like a glacier. But it would be great to have a job I enjoy that pays well and grants some measure of respect. Eh. It'll happen when it happens.

Also, I got the Greek script planned out. I just need to write the damn thing. But it'll be good, and as the standalone first part of a trilogy, it should be extremely marketable. They said my last one read like 300 or Troy, but that was 5 scripts ago. I'm likely a shitload better now. And this plot is linear, which is a fucking treat. But, it needs to be written first. I think I just need to have The Hun in a more manageable status right now. If it was an open-heart surgery, the patient is stabilized and I just need to close her up. I'd like it closed up before I go into the next one.

Now to plan my World War II script. My muse is a god damn dominatrix.

Plodding Along

Still waiting, but I suppose that's a good thing.

Still plugging away on the plot for the Greek script. It's weird, because this time I'm just expanding the plot synopsis (usually like 5 pages) to the full twenty pages This is one of my least-favorite bits. It's a mess, with like 6 drafts at various states of being in one. It has pacing problems, character problems, plot problems, and it forgets several characters for long periods of time. I'll obviously go over it again and again, until it's perfect (or about as good as I can get it). I'll do multiple reads and get it to the point that I can't think of anything to change. And it'll change in the actual editing stage.

It's just hard, because I have so many projects I want to work on, and I feel like this one is eating up a lot of time. But I suppose it's better to work this project than do nothing, waiting for the results of the contest. If I set it down for a month, they'll know that I'm not a worthwhile investment, and they'll be right. So I'm trying to get it going so that everything is conveniently in-line. After this one is in rough draft (which is best done slowly/thoughtfully, so the editing will be easier) I'll work on stretching out my WWII script. It'll be fun. I like my characters. They're just really... different.

Also, I'm not sure how they'll take my submitted script. Maybe it'll be the best. Maybe they'll like it, but it'll lack the X factor. Maybe it's not as good as I think it is. But maybe it is. Maybe it's better than I think it is, and maybe it'll sell. Probably not, but I'm getting into the numbers where other screenwriters were discovered, and I have my own style and way of doing things. Who knows, this may be the one that jump-starts an entire career. (Because even the bad of this would beat the piss out of working for a call center.)

So, until I'm done with the plan, I'm just going to keep working. Some day, I'll produce something good enough to get noticed. I haven't come this far to stop now.

Blitzed by Ideas

I'm working on editing a script, and I'm panning another one, and suddenly I got inundated with ideas for another script. It's another Hun-level script, as it hit hard and fast. I'm hesitating on the other two, as I'm pretty unfamiliar with planes and plane movies. But if I take my time on the planning, it should end up pretty damn good. And who knows? Maybe they'll both be pretty good, but I just need to let it happen when it happens. And I'm editing another, but damned if it ain't tough as hell. It just doesn't feel... as good as The Hun. I mean, I'll finish it, but I'm going to take my sweet fat time with it. It MAY still turn out good enough to put in my portfolio, and may even sell, but... again, it's just not at the same level as the other.

My winter goal is to get all three done. So, by May. If I get them all done by May, I'll come up with some kind of reward for myself. In any case, the Greek one is at the front now, because it keeps hitting me hard with inspiration. And since it's the first in a potential trilogy, I think that, if it sells, and gets made, and makes enough, I could make a SHITLOAD off of this project.

Pearl Harbor

I'm watching Pearl Harbor, to try and figure out how I could do a WWII plane movie. I have the idea, and it's got potential. And in watching it, I may have figured out why it's so poorly received.

IT'S SO DRAMATIC. Like, to a ridiculous degree. It's got WWII politics, and Ben Affleck's main plot, and it's just thick with drama. They have a relationship based on terrible things happening while they're together, and they do everything. The "baby, I'm going to war" speech, the sad train goodbye sequence, and they're just SO in love, despite dating for like, a month. And then she ends up with not-Ben Affleck, and she's all "I'll wait for you." Like, she's got Ben Affleck as a backup dude. It's kind of fucked up. And I know she's preggers, but that doesn't make it not fucked up.

And then, when Ben Affleck's in Britain, the Brits get shot down left and right, and they're like "If all Americans fight like you, god save everyone who fights against you." It felt like they could have put Ben Affleck in an Uncle Sam costume and had him slowly jerking off from time to time. It was 'Murica x100.

Don't get me wrong, the bombing sequence is FUCKING AWESOME, but it't like an awesome burger with pretentious toppings and an overly-dramatic bun. I mean, I understand that the character story would be boring if they dulled it down. It just felt like their dialogue choices were over the top.

Ultimately, it's a good movie. It's just got two scoops of 'MURICA in every scene, and that makes it a bit tough to watch at times. Thankfully, the action is enough to make the movie overall watchable.

Also, Goose.

Back at the starting line.

Dear god, I HATE this part of the writing. Coming up with the ideas blows, and I'm an idea guy. And I know boatloads of people who swear they're idea-people, and THEY MIGHT BE, but they never utilize them for some dumb ass reason. Hell, even editing can be fun. It's just taking the rough-hewn bits, shaping them up nicer, adding flourishes, and trimming them down a ton. But thinking them up is such a time-consuming process, and they may never turn out, or you may end up with a Jar Jar Binks. But I'm done for one project, and so damn close on the other.

This is exciting now. I'm going to dive headlong into "The Hammer" first thing after work. I've done a (really shitty) rough draft, and I know exactly what I'm doing this time. The same same shit that made The Hun good. Worst case scenario, it bulks my portfolio so that once someone DOES discover me under my rock, doing whatever I do, I'll have plenty of other projects for them to check out.

But either way, I'm back to the land of measurable progress. And I'm thinking the way I have this worked out, I'll be done with The Hammer about the time I'm done with the planning for "Spitfire." So I'm setting up my efficiency system, to see if it works. If so, great! If not, fuck it! I have two scripts yet.

Also, I can't hardly wait until the end of February. I want to find out what they thought. I'm debating entering The Hun into the Blacklist, to see if I've improved much. I'm confident about this one, because my characters came together naturally, and they felt like nearly all of them had a distinct voice. I'm certain they'll love it.

Recovery

The Hun was good. Damn good even, as my other stuff was well-received too. And the Blacklist folks complained about the budget, but this budget is pretty manageable. And the characters are solid. I'm actually considering this the benchmark for my characters at this point. If they all turn out as good as these guys, it's literally only a matter of time and effort until they take me. Either way, I've sent The Hun off, and without waiting to hear back on it, I'm planning my next two projects. One is an older project I thought through, but not enough to make it work. So I'm jazzing up the characters and deepening the plot some before I get into it. It had potential, but struck me as weak, so I'd put it on pause. The other was one I intended to utilize while I can. I have to pop my WWII cherry at some point, so I'm going for it.

Both scripts are coming along. Both of them have pretty cool characters, and I love the shit out of my Nazi antagonist already. My main character is pretty cool as well. But my biggest regret is that I don't have a project in editing at this time. Planning one and editing another is the best damn thing. I feel like that's how to make the most efficient use of time.

In any case, I've taken the weekend off and I'm right back at it. But from what I can tell, most of the contests are staggered, so I'm perfecting my vision of The Hun, to show the Blacklist. It's a long shot, but they may be able to sell it. So, my recovery was brief, and now I'm throwing down again. Just like anything else I give a shit about, it's hard and fast, then taking a breath, and back to it.

'The Hun' is loose.

It's sent, and I'm so fucking nervous. It all tied itself together tightly, and previous winners submitted scripts that were turned into movies. I watched the ones I could, to see where the bar was, and I think I got there. I also sent a cover letter, which was written on screenwriting software, because I don't have Word, and other computers tend not to open OpenOffice documents. So that's a thing. I explained my deal, and my goals, and my ambitions, and what I thought. And then I let them know that I'll get there, whether it's them or someone else who first sees my potential.

And that's true. I am as inevitable as a glacier. This wasn't my idea, it was God's. I can't fail as long as I keep going. I busted my ass for this. This is one of the best things I've ever written. Shogun and Anabasis were 'good,' but this is better. And what's better than good, if not great?

Trying to break through the wall.

I'm getting there. I found several pacing issues last night and thought through them during the more tedious parts of work. Now my pacing is impeccable, and it only took 45 minutes. Then I worked through the dialogue changes, ensuring they were smoother. I also worked out that I had missed a part of my storytelling: the wound. The reason why the main characters were the way they are. Why their flaws were there in the first place. I made it work for my big three in less than 20 minutes. They were pretty-well established, so it was very little effort. At this point, I'm just trying to ensure I don't tweak my pacing while doing this.

I got the first two in without an issue, and then I hit the god damn wall. I just stared at the page, dead. Redbull had worn off, and now I was down to Deadmau5, binaural beats, and the crushing tedium of the day. Went on a Redbull run, and this is me waiting for it to kick in. I know WHAT to change, for WHO, and WHERE, but I just couldn't do it. The wall was too much. The day caught up with me.

Alright, we're going. My fingers and toes are feeling it. Time to finish this bitch.

ADDENDUM: I've finished it and titled it. I have a couple more polishes to do, but yeah. It's about as good as it's going to get. This is a winner, I can smell it. If nothing else, it'll at least place. I got everything exactly how and where I want it. I did multiple dialogue passes and everything. Now I'm doing one final pass to ensure everyone has their individual voice, and then it's a final quality polish. I'm excited. This came a long way in a short time. I thank the muse for being so facilitative. And now I'm going to sleep for a long fucking time.

THE ONE.

I've been working nonstop on this beast. I rewrote 35 pages in one night, after working a full day. I've got 2 days left, and I'm so close I can see the end. It's so beautiful, I'm crying. And I've done so much in just over a week.

It's at the same level as the others, but the scale is smaller and the characters are so much better. I can visibly see the difference in quality between the characters in both. That was the big problem I had in the last couple scripts. I still have to send it to the readers, but I think this may be the reason this script has been such a problem from day 1.

I brainstormed ideas at work for weeks, and I came up with six pages worth of good shit. Then I lost the papers and couldn't for the life of me find them. I ended up writing it by memory in a single frenzied manic night. My fingers typed for five straight hours, no pauses, breaks, or anything. And I got all of the good stuff. The rest was trashed. I found the sheets and looked at them and found that I actually got the lion's share of it.

And then, when I looked for Shogun, to enter it into this contest, I couldn't find my latest draft. Rather than rewriting it, I opted to gun it on this script. Well, I found the latest draft of Shogun, and I'm going to enter it as well, but this is my fucking flagship. It's absolutely gorgeous, and all of the beats are so tightly connected.

The tattoo may have been the best thing I've ever gotten. Nearly three years later, it's gotten me far. I am a lion. HEAR ME ROAR.