Wave Two and Disappointments

Bad news first: The account I had set up for my check to be deposited in was closed out in June. So I need to wait for Wells-fucking-Fargo to sacrifice a virgin, summon a teller from the fourth circle of Hell, and send the funds back to my employer, so THEY can give me a paper check. Then I have to set up an account, but in the Midwest, banks open and close while you're at work, so I have one night a week to get this shit done. It is as maddening as snorting lines of Cthulhu's steaming shit. I mean, if the process is automated, why does it have to be on business days? Is their computer program unionized? Fuck's sake, it's no wonder banks have no friends.

And one of my co-workers (who may or may not be a supervisor) was riding my ass today. She does from time-to-time, but she's kind of a massive bitch. I held my tongue, and doubled down on converting her behavior and mannerisms into a villain for an upcoming project. I also learned that she makes heavy use of tattle-tails. I get the impression she was popular in high school. With the lunch-ladies, and the school nurse, and the principal. But not with the other kids. In any case, fuck her. Her character is going to die horribly. And her cry-baby toadie is going to get his too. SHOULD BE FUN.

However, with each rain cloud, comes new life. One of my scripts is all-but ready to be typed out in format. I'm damned excited to do it too. My character currently seem alright. Not enough to WOW me, but they never are until, like, the third draft. And some of them seem really good. By my own standards. In any case, that's the plan for tonight. And, as an added zest to this story, I got to immortalize two incompetent douchebags from real life as two incompetent douchebags on screen! They say to write what you know, amirite?

My other script has all of the ingredients for a good movie there. They're just not coagulating on paper well enough for my liking. However, I DID prioritize this one, as it's the closest to being ready to type, and I got to get my fix. So the other one will come when it comes. I'll work on it on days when this one is pulverizing my soul. And it's not like I can't work on it when I give this one down-time. So it's a win-win.

All-in-all, it seems like my marketing is being forced back due to misfortune and poor-clerical work. But I have no fear that it'll happen. Probably THIS weekend.

So, looks like I'm going to type and keep my head down until then.

Subplot stuff.

So the girl from work who was "into" me is no longer so. She got a boyfriend and she keeps trying to get me to quit flirting. I'm not, and I never was. That's just how I respond when people rip on me. Fight or flight of the wits, and mine is adequate. So she tried to get me set up with a coworker. Not particularly interested. She seemed more eager to date someone interested in getting married, so she could "catch up" to her younger sister who's getting married. That's not a thing I want.

The one she was trying to set me up with showed me pictures of herself from "when [she] was hot." It seems like she has confidence issues. So I'm torn. On the one hand, I've got too much going on in the near future to justify a relationship in this area. Because I don't intend to stay in Iowa if they sell, and I'm going to attempt to do so in two days. However, I'd hate to knock her self-confidence down further by rejecting her.

BLARG BLARG HONK, life is full of confusing dilemmas. No wonder the ancients studied divination so thoroughly. If I could just haruspex out the right path, life would be far easier. As-is, I generally default to no. So, thinking that's going to happen again.

In a completely unrelated story, the ex who's back from the dead is considering moving to Arizona. In the grand scheme of things, I'm far more interested in her. Even if it's an absolutely insane prospect.

Done.

Despite infinite setbacks, I'm done with my third portfolio project. Now to get it registered and SELL THAT BITCH. As soon as I get paid. And in the meantime, I've got two more projects to work on. But they've got to be planned yet. One of them is pretty damn close though. I like what I have. I just need to keep working on it. I foresee that I'll be close enough to start writing by Monday.

My one regret is that it's ANOTHER male protagonist. My next one is a female protagonist one, which will be exciting. And SO FUCKING MANY VILLAINS. It'll be exciting to write if nothing else.

The Lancer, Part 2

This is the kind of shit I FUCKING HATE. If it were a person, I'd have it run down with a combine. I do not understand why every damn thing is a yelling match. I know me. It took years for me to figure this out, but when I'm being yelled at, I escalate. It's who I am, so I try to minimize instances where I'm being yelled at. But this shit right here is likely to get me to move far far away once this pays off.

Situation: My cat put his paw in the door and my closed it. He wasn't injured, just scared. But I got yelled at because I didn't hear them initially yelling at me, since I had my headphones on. I'm doing my shit. In three hours, I've gotten 30 pages of editing done, and a full page knocked off. But we FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT because I didn't hear them. He knew that, because he saw me wearing them. Twice. But no, when I asked him to stop yelling, he yelled harder. Like a fucking child having a temper tantrum.

This is my current personal struggle. This family doesn't discuss. It screams and yells like fucking apes. They asked me for my help. I'm holding a scared animal with claws and teeth, and when asked kindly, they can't not scream. I'm told "fuck you" and "bite your fucking tongue." I have to fix this situation, but they won't not fuck up a thing they started more.

And my anger tends to turn inward, flare, and eventually turn into a little hate-star that radiates fury. I guess they call it a grudge, but I like hate-star better. I use that to write fight sequences. It sort of siphons it out. Writing a battle where thousands die is enough to sate my bloodlust most days. But I'm in editing. I have nothing to write. And no other projects on the back-burner. I have no way to vent this outside of this. And the anger is making my editing quality drop through the floor, because I'm not thinking straight.

This kind of shit is absolutely maddening. Why not just hold me down and shriek at me while I hold a freaked-out animal to my chest? Or better yet: just stab me at random for asinine reasons. "YOU'RE WEARING GREEN TODAY! GRAAWWWRRGGH!"

On Friday I get to market. On Friday I get to market. A mantra of calm and tranquility....

My Very Own Lancer

It's probably not a well-kept secret, but this endeavor is desperation-based. I have over $100,000 in student loans. It's absolutely insane to think that this mountain be taken out by simple attrition. Working regular hours to beat this will break my body and spirit before it'll break my foe. So this is my out-of-the-box idea. And I personally think it has potential. A LOT of potential.

But I have my very own lancer in this situation. The Gollum to my Samwise (who is also me). My dad has no faith in this idea. I'm concerned that he'll demand that I put all of my marketing money into my loans. A low-risk, high-reward endeavor, truth be told. But he's never been a creative type. He's all about doubling down on the way things have always been. I've been about the back-door strategies.

However, I've found that naysayers give me extra OOMPH, as I'm just spiteful enough to double down on an idea if I think it'll work. Also, what the fuck does HE know? He watched TV. I plan to MAKE TV. And I could write the pilots for some of these half-assed shows in a day. "Zoo?" Fucking really? It's like Planet of the Apes, but broader. "Vikings?" The dialogue is perpetually godawful. I could punch that up effortlessly.

In any case, I'm putting my money where my mouth is. And a week from today, I finally --FINA-FUCKING-LLY-- get to throw my babies into the writing ring.

And I'm procrastinating. So, back to work.

Doldrums < Rowing

As I have no idea how to get out of the doldrums, I'm putting a lot of effort into getting these projects going. I've made significant progress on two of them. I'm excited, because one is moving along at a breakneck pace. The other has been slowly coming along for weeks. In any case, both should be ready to write by the end of the month. And with labor day weekend coming up, I'll have a full three day weekend to progress. I should be able to get my fix soon.

The current sequences are fresh, full of horrific sequences, and I don't feel like either one is forced. I HATE watching something that's forced. On rewatching, the quality is just... disappointing. If I feel like I could have thought of that, then I probably could have. And if that's the case, then either I'm awesome, or they're lazy. And laziness shows.

So that's a thing.

Also, the girls have both disappeared. One has fallen off the grid, which is fine. She's got her own life, and even if we were hopelessly in love, there would be not a god damn thing I could do. So this is probably for the best.

The other has been texting some other guy and froze me out, which is fine. It's shitty when guys treat women differently because of dashed romantic aspirations. But it's equally shitty when women treat men differently due to dashed romantic aspirations. It wasn't MY crush, in any case. But whatever. If nothing else, this is a lesson is what I'm not looking for. And one who wants to force get married instead of, say, getting to know me, certainly is not for me. I imagine falling in love organically, where it just happens, is more my speed.

So that's NOT a thing.

Lack of Progress

It feels like I'm in the doldrums right now. My third story is sitting out for a bit yet, to be completed this weekend, after it's had time to age a bit. If I forget the little strokes, I can find the ones that suck and fix them.

But for right now I'm planning out four stories. Some scenes are pretty damn good, not going to lie. And I like where the two I'm pressing out are going. But I don't feel like I've WRITTEN in a while. And that sucks. I like the writing. I miss the writing. It sucks not having access to my secret weapon. Because this was the one step where I always needed it.

At least I'm planning on getting more soon. In the meantime I want to get the ingredients together, so at least the potential for greatness is THERE, I just have to work out the puzzle. The puzzle is the biggest bitch in the process. No joke. If you can put a compelling scene synopsis together, you can do it. The rest is study and practice. The scene synopsis is seriously the worst. That's where most of mine either fly or go all Icarus.

Eh. I got work in the morning, and I'll work out some story problems there.

Bye Felicias!